Children thrive on encouragement but parents often dish out praises.
You may wonder what the difference is.
The difference may be difficult for most of us to see because we praise and see results.
Praising your children teaches them to seek your approval.
It teaches them to do things to please you and make YOU feel happy and pleased with them.
With praises, children learn to depend on what others think.
They will do things they don’t like or don’t need to do just to hear you say, “I am proud of you or great job”.
Most of us are used to praise because that’s what we grew up with.
Do you usually praise your child when he/she does something to impress you?
If your child always gets an A in English, you are likely to praise him/her and show off to a few family and friends but you not going to be inclined to do so or might get displeased when she gets a lower grade.
Can you see the limitation of dishing out praises yet?
You may be thinking “How can that be?
How can saying, ‘Good job’ or ‘I’m proud of you’ be bad?
It makes my child happy, it makes me feel good and it’s easy!”
I understand Sis. It can be a difficult habit to break — and the fact that it feels good only increases our resistance to giving it up.
Now, let’s look at encouragement.
Your child does not have to be the best to be encouraged.
With encouragement, you appreciate the effort.
It can be given at any time, to anyone, in any situation.
It is an observation, an acknowledgement of the effort your child has put into a task.
Do you see the difference yet?
If your child always ask “Do you like it?” “Did I do a good job?” “Are you proud of me?” “Did I do it right?”, then you have been feeding them with praises.
Praise trains children to want to know how you feel.
They begin to allow your approval to determine their choices, their actions and it does not allow them to grow beyond their mistakes because they know you will only show disapproval.
The message they get from you is — “I approve of you when you pass … “and “I do not approve of you when you. … “
Doing this can damage not only the child’s confidence but also the relationship with you.
Encouragement is often confused with praise.
Here is a story to illustrate the difference:
Anisa got a C in her math test – she normally gets an A- but her mother did not scold her or show displeasure.
Instead, her mom said “Wow, you got a C. Tell me about that. What do you think happened? They talked about it and noted where the problem was.
If her mother had expressed disappointment, she may have missed the opportunity to help Anisa discover where the problem stemmed from.
Children who thrive on praise often make life decisions that they believe will make their parents happy.
Using encouragement instead of praises teaches your child to:
- Believe that they have your support no matter what.
- Figure out what they want and what makes them happy.
- Spend less time seeking outside approval to make them feel good.
- Figure out what is important to them, which will make it possible for them to create a satisfying and meaningful adult life.
The school year is coming to an end. Will you use this opportunity to encourage your child no matter what their grades are?
I hope you have learnt something. If yes, would you like to join me in the Parenting for Jannah Academy? You should join the waitlist HERE to be notified when next we are open.
This is very apt especially as this is coming at a time when my child has started doing thing that require obvious encouragement other than praises. Thank you for this, I found this very useful! And it would definitely keep me on track when next I want to dish out a praise unnecessarily.
Alhamdulilah glad you found it useful. You should join us tonight on Instagram Live at 9pm we would be discussing encouragements Vs praise in more detail In Shaa Allah
Wahoo really l enjoy every of my times with u either reading or listening to u I started following u not quite long and I have never regret it at all ps sister I will love to join ur email list I don’t no how to go about it
Asalam alaykum sis.
Thank you so much. You are already on my email list sis.
Alhamdulillah, it’s quite encouraging, I like every bit of this, especially when you are raising adolescent children you have to watch the way you dish out praises so that it does not get into their rather you encourage them to come out good, may Allah continue to support you and reward you abundantly, you are doing a very good job, Jazakallahu khairan
Wa iyyakum sis.
Thanks for your words of encouragement. I really appreciate it and your duas.
Alhamdulliah Robil Al’amin…..
Praise and encouragement hnnmmm …
Learn a lot here .my hubby is always blaming children for mistakes and I always insist that encouragement is better for both success and failure……
Jazakalahu khearan for this piece
Wa iyyakum sis. MAY Allah continue to make it easy for us all
Wow! This has rather sprung me to be retrospective about my own underlying issues and I realized this praises was my foundation growing and made me seek others’ approval even when I know what I’m doing is right.
In Sha Allah I’m going to try to break out of this pattern and definitely not bring up my kids this way
Billahi’l azeem, it is always heart warming reading from or watching liamanah, there is always something to learn.
May your well if knowledge never run dry. Jazakumullahu Khaeran Ma’am
Wa iyyakum sis.
Ameen Ya Rabb. Thanks so much for the heartfelt duas. I am glad the post is of value to you.
Jazakumullahu khairan ma’am u are doing a very gud job, may almighty Allah continue to support u and reward you abundantly.
Wa iyyakum. Thank you so much sis. Ameen Ya Rabb.