Preconceived parenting beliefs are a major problem in our lives. They create a mental block that prevents us from doing things in a better and progressive way.
For the average Muslim home, the standard parenting style includes tough discipline, strictness, control, rules, cultural norms and much more. These standards often emerged from preconceived parenting beliefs which are now used as a yardstick to bring up children.
Are you still parenting your children based on certain beliefs such as adults are always right and children should always listen to them and obey them, chores are for girls, the older child takes first choice, children should be seen and not heard, parents make all the decisions and so on?
Most of our parents did these when we were growing up and we resented it therefore we should work towards destroying these preconceived beliefs as they hinder our growth and progress.
The sad part is, these beliefs don’t help children’s self-esteem or relationship with their parents in any way; instead, they alienate them from parents
What these notions have done is to make children eager to please and respect parental figures in their lives even when these people don’t deserve it. These notions have also created a society where children cannot share their problems with their parents. They cause behavioral problems, poor coping skills, academic challenges, and mental health outcomes.
It is time to destroy and do away with these unhelpful parenting beliefs. If they did not work with us, why should we assume that they will work with our children?
Understanding and recognizing how these beliefs are bad for our children can help us make better decisions for them.
Are you willing to be more open concerning your children’s upbringing?
Here are some ways you can start:
- Discard all preconceived limiting beliefs.
- Pray to Allah for guidance
- Do more acts of worship and good deeds to improve your deen and iman.
- Learn about Islamic and Positive Parenting
The truth is, as Muslim parents, we should be more concerned about bringing up our childen with the proper tarbiyah than based on some societal norms and beliefs. Tarbiyah means the proper education and upbringing of children on the path of Islam and excluding all traditional beliefs that contradict Islam and are not beneficial.
When we embrace that fact that as Muslim, we should start first of all with personal re-orientation and training of our own selves based on the teachings of the Quran and hadith, then of our families. In the long run, this will impact our community at large.
Alhamdulilah, a fundamental shift is happening as we “young muslim parents” are now more open to changing the approach and methods of raising our children to the ones that benefit them in the long term. We should educate ourselves more on the importance of bringing up our children properly because we are the Ummah and whatever we do will have an impact.
We are learning that we need to be more relaxed with their children, talk to them and allow them to share their fears and needs. Remember that enforcing preconceived parenting beliefs on children limits them.
I hope you have learnt something. If yes, would you like to join me in the Parenting for Jannah Academy? You should join the waitlist HERE to be notified when next we are open.